the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
