yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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