the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize