wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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