Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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