If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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