well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
