i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
