i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
