That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
