if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
