No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
