and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
