In the future we'll all be gay
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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