I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
