we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
