normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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