I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
