sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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