have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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