Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
