I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
