Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
