It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
