we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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