i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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