Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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