What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
