i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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