I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
