I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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