i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
