You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
