It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
