I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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