very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
