listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
