i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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