I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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