2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Randomize
