Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
