The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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