the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
