dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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