my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
