Are we in a gay sports bar?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
