Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
