Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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