i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My cat gives me a boner
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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