the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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