When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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